A recent study found that teens who listen to “raunchy” music are more likely to have sex. According to an AP article written by Lindsey Tanner:

Teens whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found.

Whether it’s hip-hop, rap, pop or rock, much of popular music aimed at teens contains sexual overtones. Its influence on their behavior appears to depend on how the sex is portrayed, researchers found.

Songs depicting men as “sex-driven studs,” women as sex objects and with explicit references to sex acts are more likely to trigger early sexual behavior than those where sexual references are more veiled and relationships appear more committed, the study found.

Teens who said they listened to lots of music with degrading sexual messages were almost twice as likely to start having intercourse or other sexual activities within the following two years as were teens who listened to little or no sexually degrading music.

Now, of course, it could be pointed out that the majority of teens who take chastity vows start having sex within one year, which means chastity vows may be twice as dangerous as dirty music, which is why I support living in such a way as to promote flaccidity in males — smoking, eating fatty foods — because that lowers the chances that one will be able to act upon temptation. I know it has saved me from sinning on many occasions. But this piece isn’t about flaccidity enhancers. Or chastity vows. It’s about raunchy music. Music with sex. I once heard a song by a rapper called Too Short, and it had some of the dirtiest lyrics I have ever heard.

I almost bust two nuts back to back / Never seen a bitch work head like that

No wonder teenagers are stripping off their clothes and “busting nuts” all over the place. Now, I know that people might argue that correlation doesn’t necessarily equal causation. They might argue that teenagers who — for whatever reason — are already more likely to have sex, who already have sex on the brain, could possibly, maybe, listen to songs with lyrics about “busting nuts” and “working head” because those are subjects they’re particularly interested in, while more pure teens will listen to songs about, say, genies in bottles, who have to be rubbed “the right way.” But I don’t buy into that. People — especially teenagers — are obviously so dumb that if you plant sexual messages, subtle or otherwise, in music, and they hear it, eventually they become the sexual equivalent of the programmed hitman in The Manchurian Candidate, and start humping uncontrollably, no matter who’s there — and maybe they even do it in church.

It’s disgusting.

And that’s why I support strong government control of the music industry. Parenting, you see, is just too important to leave to parents. As a Christian nation, we must send a strong, governmental message to our sinning, Pavlovian populace.

“No!” we must shout. “You will not be busting any nuts today! And no!” we must shout. “You will not be working any head today! Working head and busting nuts is henceforth against the law, premaritally speaking, and listening to songs about such is a federal crime!”

And if that doesn’t deter them, mandatory chastity belts for unmarried females age thirteen and up.


  1. Dr. Reginald Smith, Ph.D. says:

    Well said, again.

    Great music died the day the Beatles appeared on Television. Oh, for the days of Lawrence Welk.

  2. jonmyersiii says:

    I appreciate your continued support, doctor.

  3. Tim says:

    You have restored my faith in the religious right. 😀 – Tim

  4. doris says:

    It all sounds to me like you have sex on the mind a lot and replace the “sin” with food – which isn’t good for your health.

  5. doris says:

    Sex is a beautiful thing and it is a shame you can’t see that. You shouldn’t just have it with anyone but I think you should experiment when you are young and be free and have fun and live and feel and hurt and experience as much as you can so you can choose your life with an open mind.

  6. doris says:

    IS Dr Reginald Smith a figment of your imagination?

  7. Bender says:

    Government control of music? Am I reading this right? You, Mr. Republican Man want the (pretty close to) all powerful government controlling one of the greatest forms of human expression and communication? Music is God’s sneak peak at what Heaven will be like. And if you could look outside your own opinion and mindset, you’d realize that if the government had control over music, the first thing they’d do is claim that any music is a matter of state and instantly ban religious music, claiming the need to separate church and state. As you said in a preivious post, “Know your enemy.” Your enemy is the world and if you don’t realize how it works, it’s going to eat you alive.
    Also, you should get a more updated version of the Bible. Your King James is pretty outdated. Allow me to recommend the English Standard Version. It’s a literal translation with some rearranging of some of the vocabulary to make it easy for us to understand.

  8. jonmyersiii says:

    I am Mr. Christian Republican, and as I say all the time, a natiion can only be so free while maintaining its Christianity. And I am a Christiian first. So, this is one place where Mrs. Gore and I are in agreement. That and we both think Al has terrible breath in the morning (don’t ask, it was a strange experience).

  9. Ardorrequiem says:

    Hey Jon,

    Your posts are so humorous to me that I can’t fathom them being anyone’s actual opinion. Thus, I thank you, and humbly ask that you continue to good work. Your writing makes my yuppie, sex crazed, anarcho-capitalistic life much more interesting.


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