I know I haven’t posted for a long time, and for that I am deeply sorry. How deeply? Real deeply. If my remorse was a hole, it’d be about seventeen feet deep. Maybe eighteen.
I know it’s no excuse, but with school and my job at Hot Dog on a Stick I have been impossibly busy. But I now have a little reprieve from school, as I have been expelled (more on that in a moment), and so I thought I would pop in with a new post, update on my life, and maybe, with the Dumbocrats having evilled their way into both houses of congress, I can even pick up where I left off in more posts, since, with school no longer a concern, I have a bit more free time on my hands.
As I said, I have been expelled from school. I can’t go into great detail, as I signed an agreement with the college that I would not discuss the matter, and I try to be an honest Christian, so I’ll just say this: I have — had, in fact; the past tense is important — a roommate who got Tom Waits’s new album, which is called Orphans, and he was listening to it while I was trying to do my homework, and I suddenly felt this chill in my bones. I had never heard Tom Waits before, nor had I heard of him, but I knew immediately I was hearing the voice of Satan (“Well, they call me William the Pleaser / I sold opium, fireworks and lead / Now I’m tellin’ my troubles to strangers / When the shadows get long I’ll be dead,” he sings in a voice that sounds like the bubbles that surface in a tar pit), so I picked up the boom box on which the album was playing — moved like a puppet by the power of God — and I threw it through a window. It stopped the music. It also fell two storeys and hit an important faculty member on the head, putting him into a coma for three weeks. When I explained what happened, I voiced my opinion that, since I was obviously moved by the power of God, God wanted this person to be put into a coma — for reasons obviously beyond our understanding — and who were we to question God, but for whatever reason, stupidity is my guess, the dean did not quite follow my argument, and my academic career at the bible college was finished.
Truth was obviously too much for the dean, and he turned his back on it in favor of “reality.” As I walked out the door, still emoting my protests, the dean even said, “Maybe God wants you to be expelled, for reasons beyond your understanding,” but since he wasn’t moved by the power of God, that was obviously crap he was spewing.
When will people learn that they can’t just say something is God’s will, it has to be true? It was obviously God’s will that I throw a boom box out a window; my being expelled for it was the dean’s choice.
That the dean of a bible college turned his back on God only goes to show how corrupt this world has become.